Today I fell into my own mind trap. For several months I have successfully avoided being sucked into my mind trap, so it felt weird to be back in that “old” place where my egoic mind could veer me away from my center. I felt doubt, fear, and limitation. I felt boxed in. My strategic mind was running away at the speed of panic, and it was trying to figure things out. It kept going to the place of “how”: e.g., “How am I ever going to do XYZ?”
I had originally intended to read The Lord of the Rings to get caught up with S who finished it in a week about a month ago (and J is well into it now as well). However, I got completely lost in futile worries when my mind was hijacked by “Madam Secure Rita.” She got me speculating about future possibilities (or rather impossibilities). My poor mind was trapped and spinning about: “What if ABC does not happen? Then I won’t be able to do DEF, and that won’t get me to GHI. I wish I didn’t have JKL to take care of, so that I could easily get to MNO!”
A couple of hours later, when Charles asked me how much of the book I was able to read, I snapped out of the mind trap. I realized then that I fell off course by choosing to be led into the land of “worry worts” instead of the land of hobbits, elves, dwarves in J.R.R. Tolkein’s imaginary world. I regretted my choice, but all the same I rejoiced in not remaining stuck in the worry-wort state as I often did before I started my commitment and practice to live consciously.
Instead of getting deeper into the muck and staying stuck, I am now able to get back on track with agility, without shame or blame, even when I veer off course. I am able to detect rather quickly when my head is not aligned with my heart and/or hara. When my internal radar picks up on misalignment, I have learned what to do to find my center again. The most direct and effective way for me to find my bearing again is to drop down:
Drop from my head where my mind is wandering around all over the map.
Down to my belly.
Then, I breathe in and out slowly to bring my awareness to the present moment.
Here and now. Right where I am.
Simply be, and remember to step aside and let the currents of Life flow.
No need to figure things out using my head where my ego loves to get in and take control.
Relax. Breathe. Settle into my body.
Simply move out of my own way.
The river knows where it is going. My job is to let it flow.