Today we watched Hayao Miyazaki’s 2004 animated movie, “Howl’s Moving Castle.” After seeing the trailer, S and J were unsure if they were interested in the movie or not, but Jung and I convinced them to sit down with us to watch the beginning, giving them permission to leave and go do something else if they became bored. As it turned out, they both loved it. (J claimed it was only “okay,” but based on how much she talked about the movie afterwards, I think she didn’t want to admit how much she liked it!)

There were many interesting relationships and mysteries which wove throughout the film but for me the strongest driver of the story involved curses. The main character, “Sophie,” was cursed early on in the movie; it is revealed late in the movie that a scarecrow who follows the cursed Sophie around is in fact someone who has been cursed to live as a scarecrow; and two other characters, “Calcifer” the fire demon and “Howl” the wizard were bound to each other by a curse.

As in many stories that involve curses, the victims of the curse were unable to speak of the details. Their only hope was that someone else would figure out how to release them without being told directly what to do.

Another pattern I saw in the movie was that the cursed seemed more able to recognize and feel compassion for others who suffered from curses.

Looking back over the past three years, I feel that the most significant shift in my life happened when I was able to free myself of a curse: my codependant relationship with my ego. Much like Calcifer and Howl, my ego and I were bound to each other, and although we cared about each other, we were also making each other misable. Worst of all, neither of us knew how to remove the curse and in some ways, I’m not sure either of us wanted to.

Jung recognized what I was going through, however, and she patiently and repeatedly held a mirror up to me so I could see what was happening. Although at the end of the day, it was up to me both to make the decision to change my relationship with my ego and to do the work of removing the curse which bound my ego and me together, it was Jung who guided me in how to do it. She had to guide me because I couldn’t even tell myself how to remove the curse.

To be clear, I am not now egoless. My ego and I are both alive and well, but we live in a new, cooperative relationship. At the risk of spoiling the ending of Howl’s Moving Castle (an 8-year-old movie), Howl and Calcifer eventually are freed of each other, but Calcifer chooses to stay with Howl and the final scene suggests that in his freedom, Calcifer has become more powerful than ever! I have experienced the same, with my now-healthy ego lending strength to my intuition, conviction and creativity!

Looking back at the experience of lifting my own curse, I feel as if my curse were actually a blessing. I don’t know if I could have gained the strength I now enjoy, if I hadn’t been required to go through the process of lifting my curse and as a result, learn what I was made of.