“Syndrina” by J

Since the incident that S and J had at school earlier last week, Charles and I have been deliberating on choosing the right school for our daughters. It is his and my responsibility to be responsible stewards and guardians of our children’s astonishing creativity, one-of-a-kind gifts, and wild instinct and intuition. I firmly believe that both Charles and I had these precious qualities once as children before we were completely socialized, cultured, and “educated” to adapt to societal norms and conventions. Because we are both trying to unlearn some of the habits and conditioning that haven’t served us well, and to remember those early childhood dreams that were closer to our souls and hearts, we are mindful of the saying, “Don’t let school get in the way of education.”

The values we are looking for in our daughters’ education are (and ought to be) closely related to the values that our family aspires to live by. We, Soul Play Family, aspire to be a family that is: loving; fun and joyful; creative; balanced, collaborative and integrated; inquisitive and curious; courageous; adventurous; connecting and affecting. In reality, these values that we committed to live by as a family are also the ones that each of us, Charles, S, J and I, need to embody in our personal thoughts, words, and deeds. Similarly, it makes good sense that communities (including our daughters’ school) to which we choose to belong respect these values.

Often the question we ask is the answer we are seeking. Charles and I have been conversing about this topic for almost two weeks now, and the question we ask for S and J’s schooling is this:

What kind of educational environment will nurture our daughters’ gifts to blossom fully in line with our family values?

The end goal of our daughters’ education isn’t a degree from an Ivy League school, a professional vocation, or a job that pays a high salary with rich benefit packages. Our daughters may consciously choose to pursue any or all of these accomplishments if they are in alignment with the values they have chosen to live by when they grow up. There is nothing wrong with these accomplishments per se. Regardless what S and J choose to pursue and accomplish with their unique gifts, ultimately Charles and I deem that we will be graded on our parental report card in areas beyond their academic or professional achievements. The criteria that will be used to assess how well we performed as parents with respect to their education will include these questions:

• How happy are S and J?
• How healthy are S and J in body, mind and spirit?
• How much joy do they have in their lives?
• How many real friends and soul relationships have they cultivated in their lives?
• How successful are they in their creative endeavors to fully share their unique gifts with the world?
• How well can they co-create, cooperate, and collaborate with other creative individuals and communities?
• How rich (in spirit, friendship, and kindness) are the communities to which they belong?
• How deep is their integrity, authenticity, and humanity?

A picture paints a thousand words. J painted the water color painting above at home yesterday evening after being teased and bullied by some of her classmates most of the day, and after having a long (over one hour) conference with her teacher after school while crying and sobbing most of that time, discussing the incident that stoked her creative fire to write the song, “Hypocrite.” J’s painting speaks volumes about the educational environment she is currently in. It shows the armor and sword she needs to wear, and the stealth she needs to use in order to stay safe at school.

The silver-lining is that Charles and I know clearly what we need to do going forward. From this painful and undesirable experience, we received a gift of clarity, end goals and direction with regard to our daughters’ educational environment. As the stewards and guardians of our young daughters’ gifts, until the time when they blossom fully to manage them on their own, our top priority is to ensure that S and J’s gifts are cultivated in nurturing soil, with warmth, and with loving care.