I’ve always marveled at my daughters’ general health and been grateful for it. Neither of them has suffered from any chronic health conditions or the food allergies that seem to be surprisingly prevalent these days. At most they’ve caught a cold now and then, and most times they were able to shake it off on their own without a visit to their pediatrician. I affectionately call them our “Super Twins” referring to their amazing physical “constitution.” But today was one of the rare occasions we had to take J to see her doctor.

Her cold that started with bothersome dry coughs more than two weeks ago took a downward turn over this weekend. Charles and I had thought that she’d shake it off as she usually has in the past, but this cold virus moved from her throat to her sinus, and she had a box of tissues attached to her side since last Friday night to blow her nose constantly, and we found a trail of white tissues wherever she went. We’ve been closely monitoring her condition, and when she lost her appetite completely, even refusing a chocolate chip cookie yesterday and then agreed to take a nap which usually she would never willingly agree to, we knew it was time to take her to see a doctor. She didn’t have a fever, so I wasn’t too worried about a sinus or ear infection, but I wasn’t entirely sure either because I remembered that once when S had an ear infection, she didn’t have any fever.

J has a high threshold for pain, so she rarely complains when she is sick. However, starting last night she has been complaining about a splitting headache, as well as the general discomfort of not being able to breathe through her nose and having to blow her nose literally every 5 minutes. There is something about children’s sickness which drains their parents’ energy completely. I remember my mom telling me when I was J’s age and sick, “I wish I could be sick for you rather than see you suffering so much.” Now I understand what she meant and how she felt when she said that to me. I felt the same for J today: I wish I could suffer from her cold instead if that would relieve her from her discomfort and illness.

Although I have always been grateful for my children’s health before J’s bad cold this time around, the actual experience of seeing my daughter suffer this much from her illness made me see the stark contrast between her health and sickness visibly and viscerally, and such contrast brought my gratitude up another level. I felt the privilege of having access to medical care for a sick child. When the doctor examined J, she told me that she saw a lot of fluid in J’s ears, and that J’s headache seemed to indicate that a sinus infection might be brewing. It confirmed what I was suspecting and I was relieved that it wasn’t anything worse than that. J and I left the doctor’s office with her prescription for antibiotics, and I was anxious to get her medicine and come home to help J rest comfortably in her bed.

J’s condition today made me experience the contrast between SICKNESS and HEALTH. And as we approach the winter solstice, the season we are in makes me experience the contrast between LIGHT and DARKNESS. Finally, my own transition from corporate employment to newly begun self-employment symbolically represents the contrast between certain DEATH and REBIRTH. I recognize that Life cannot be whole without these opposites. There cannot be the health, light or rebirth that I desire if sickness, darkness, or death does not exist. These opposites are two sides of the same coin after all. And Life is a dance between the opposite sides of the same coin. Living on only one side of that coin is an illusion that doesn’t serve anyone or create anything useful. I know it is up to me to make the dance between the two sides of the Life coin as fluid as I can muster. So long as I live, I aspire to dance as gracefully, effortlessly, and courageously as I can between the opposite cycles of Life.