I was inspired today to clean the counter-top and sink area of the bathroom. That wasn’t exactly what Charles and I discussed at our breakfast table this morning when we were scanning our day and charting what needed to be done. We had two things that we absolutely wanted to make time for: talking with our respective mothers, and writing our posts. Other than these two things, we were going to go with the flow to include the following: the girls needed to do some indoor exercise since the weather wasn’t very cooperative for a family walk outside; we both needed to do some stretching exercise for our increasingly inflexible joints and limbs; and J wanted to run a family role-playing game, so we wanted to make sure we allow enough time for that after S and J took their Sunday afternoon baths which have become a ritual.

During the Sunday afternoon baths, I help S and J separately to wash their hair, and I massage their scalps, condition their hair, massage their faces and scrub their backs while they soak themselves in relaxing bubble baths. Afterwards, I comb and dry their hair, one daughter at a time, while listening to each child talk to me about whatever the topic of her choice might be. Often they love to tell me about the books they read, some new things they learned at school, or fun stories about their friends. Sometimes one of them would unload some emotionally charged complaints about the other sibling, or her friends, who acted less than desirably in her opinion. It can become emotionally and physically draining by the time I am all done with both girls, but it’s always well worth it to have this bonding time with them. Just like they did with their tooth-brushing a couple of years ago, I know there will come a day when they say, “No thanks, Mom. I can do this myself.” and gently push me away with their elbow. Until that bitter-sweet moment, I will continue to enjoy and savor our Sunday afternoon bath ritual.

But I digress … I was going to write about cleaning our master bathroom. Although it was not as bad as the girls’ playroom that had collected so much “stuff” for the last seven and a half years, our bathroom badly needed to be tidied up. There were many empty bottles that needed to be recycled, as well as several half-empty cosmetic jars and containers with the remaining content no longer wanted or needed, as well as little nick-knacks collecting dust and grime over time. They all needed to be either discarded or cleaned for continued use. Every morning and night when I brushed my teeth and washed my face, I looked around the counter-top and was reminded of the dire need to clean and organize the area, but many other pressing things invariably needed my attention, and I gladly found one excuse after another to say, “Not now. Later.”

But today, an inspiration from Cleaning Fairy must have landed on my crown. While brushing my teeth after breakfast, I looked around the counter-top and felt something clicking inside, igniting my heart to go after the disorganized, disregarded and disgusting counter-top! I picked up all the empty and half-empty containers and organized them into one of two camps: discard or clean. Using baking soda and an old toothbrush to go after the grime and stains, it didn’t take much time or effort to clean the surfaces. I was surprised at how easy the cleaning task was! What surprised me more was a revelation that I didn’t expect at the outset: I had an experiential learning about the difference between the mindset of a renter and an owner. Before today, the fact that I am the legal co-owner of this house didn’t automatically equip me with the mindset of co-owner.

For the most of the past seven and a half years, I saw cleaning and house-keeping as chores around the house which could be delegated to others, or “outsourced” to service providers. Charles, on the other hand, didn’t want to use a cleaning service. I had always thought that it was due to his New England Yankee mindset: that he didn’t want to pay someone else to do the housework. But after today’s experience, I now know the real reason why Charles didn’t want to pay someone else to do household chores. As I was cleaning the counter-top of our bathroom, strangely enough I felt connected to my home. I heard myself saying, “This is the place where I live. This home is where I belong. I’m taking care of my home.” As if by magic, when I took the time and effort to make my home environment better, more comfortable and pleasing to me, I felt a strong sense of belonging to this house. It felt good; it felt right!

When I worked long hours outside the home, I rationalized those hours as paying for the mortgage, and all the other expenses to maintain the house. Back then, I had the mindset that everything could be paid for, including housekeeping, with money. I had enough money, but not enough time; therefore, it was more convenient to pay my way out of anything I couldn’t do due to the lack of time than to take the time to do it myself. It made sense at the time; however, I have to say I had a renter’s mindset then. My house was a place to come home to at the end of a work day—a place to eat, sleep and rest, so that I could continue to work the next day to pay for the house. Perhaps I was subconsciously resentful of the house for which I had to pay a mortgage. Instead of being a source of pride and joy, home ownership at some point felt more like a burden and a trap. My mind opted to rent, rather than own, that feeling of being burdened and trapped.

As I was taking the time, care, and attention to clean my bathroom today, I regained the perspective of an owner. I suspect that somehow getting in the mindset of an owner has more to do with mindfully taking care of an object with attention and affection rather than actual ownership of the object as the legal payer of its monetary value.

At any rate, now Charles and I have a clean, well-organized, and de-cluttered bathroom to enjoy. Another perfect holiday gift for me and Charles!